So about a month ago, I took the plunge and signed Bacardi and myself up for schooling at the local pony club derby. Since then I have been bound and determined to get us as READY as we can be so that MAYBE I could change my mind and actually compete.
By doing that I have put a lot of stress on myself and not been riding my best or setting my horse up for success. Last week we had a not so productive lesson out in the jump field with our coach in which we both came out exhausted.
That night I spent some time chatting with my coach about my fears and what is holding me back. She suggested taking 2 weeks off of jumping and just focusing on flat work and helping Bacardi go around correctly and encourage his adjustability.
Well our first flat ride went…not great. Lot of frustration and emotions on my part. So after another convo with my coach, we decided to change out the bit. Go back to a broken kimberwick.
Then she gave me a lesson and it went better. Then we went out alone a few days later and I remembered why we didn’t use this bit, because he gets super stiff through the poll.
So the next thing is to go back to my softest bit, my french link. So here we go, fingers crossed.
But additionally I have been thinking about whether I want to school and keep the stress as low as possible. Or if I want to complete because then I feel like even if we compete I can drop the “future” from #futureeventer.
Which is the DUMBEST thing ever. And I realize this. But imposter syndrome is strong here. And it’s disheartening. Maybe if I compete then I can feel like I brought my horse along myself and we will actually be eventers.
So we will see.
Happy Riding!
A+B