A year ago today I wrote a blog post about fighting the fear when it comes to Ruffi (read here). We have made MASSIVE progress in the last year. We got her KS diagnosis, we pursued mesotherapy, I was able to start riding her, and lately I have almost felt comfortable enough to ask for a canter. Its been a HUGE YEAR.
Today felt like a BIG step backwards. Today is the first time in SEVERAL months that I got off because of fear. It was a shitty feeling. She has had a little time off due to having long toes due to some feet and farrier issues (no fault of our current farrier). The weather has been all over the place and the kids in general have not gotten a lot of turn out. Its just been a bit of a difficult several weeks.
Today I was able to get on her with little fuss (we are still working on standing for mounting), however the second I started to ask for forward, she started rooting, backing and pawing. Back to those behaviors that make me feel like she might do something dangerous. After a little bit of try, I decided to get off, almost in tears.
In effort to make sure she got some exercise and to give myself time to re-center, I decided to lunge her. She was actually pretty good on the line and I decided to try ending our day on a positive note under saddle, so I got back on. It was less pretty then her lunge, but I was able to get her to walk around the arena with assistance from Preston. It felt like a HUGE step back to where we were a year ago, but I have to remember what I say all the time; horses are NOT linear. They are not a straight line up from starting them. It isn’t always forward progress. There will be set backs. And this is one for Ruffi and I. And does that mean maybe we don’t go to a spring dressage show, sure. Does that mean its the end of the world? No. It took me THREE years to get Bacardi to a “real” show. And it was well worth the wait. WELL WORTH IT.
I need to realize my goals are not her goals. My dreams are not her dreams. This is a partnership and a constant conversation between girl and horse. But still two steps forward and one step back is STILL forward progress.
Happy Riding and Progress,
A+R