The last few weeks have been rough. We had a tough lesson in January and it felt like a few steps back. We concentrated on the things my trainer wanted us to. We made progress.
And then this last week, B was telling me something was wrong. So I tried to do what I could, I gave him some supportive meds, tried to get him warm and figure out if I really should have my lesson or not. When I went out last night to check, he seemed to tell me he was willing and feeling ok. Today I did all the extra. Got to the farm early, lunged him, got on early to warm up. And still he was telling me something wasn’t right, and my trainer and I agreed.
I got off and as my partner helpfully untacked him, I sent of an email to his chiropractor to see if we could move his March 6th appointment up. But ever since then, I feel disappointed. Not in my horse or my trainer or even the situation. I feel dissapointment in me. Am I a bad horse mom? Did I push him too far or ask him too much? Was I selfish?
I don’t know. I don’t have a nice little bow to put on this post. I don’t have an self-realization or assurances. I feel like I failed my horse. The only thing I can do is better.
Right now, until I hear back from the chiro is just to give Bacardi time off. Thankfully he’s not lame; he is still going out every day and running around with his tiny women. I don’t know that just being a horse, he is in an appreciable amount of pain or discomfort. I don’t even know that he is in pain or discomfort while riding, I just think something is up to where what work I am asking him to do is not physically comfortable for him.
Idk.