This might be a bit of a heavy subject for some of us horse owners out there. Typically the above question is posed by well-meaning friends and family when maybe us horse-crazy people are running a bit tight on cash or struggling financially. There is a large fraction of society that sees horses as a luxury. There is a large fraction of the HORSE WORLD that sees them as a luxury too. The impetus for this blog post comes from a Facebook memory and comes with a little bit of a back story.
If you don’t know me IRL (but lets face it most of my readers do but we will recap just in case), five years ago, my partner and I became unhoused (aka homeless) due to an eviction from an apartment I had lived in for 5 years prior to that. I had left a job that was INCREDIBLY toxic to my mental health (and no not just in the “I hate my job” way) and my partner was fighting some bureaucratic red tape that was holding up his disability income. Due to this, and some misinformation that was given, calculated financial decisions were made, which unfortunately did come with a risk. One of these decisions was to prioritize paying for Bacardi’s board instead of paying our rent.
Many members of my family could not FATHOM why I would have prioritized my horse’s needs over me having a secure roof over my head. What could I possibly have been thinking? Why didn’t I just sell the horse? Repeat ad nauseum. To logical, normal people, who see horses as a luxury, these are all valid, logical questions to ask. But here’s the thing, to me, horses aren’t a luxury. They also aren’t just an object, or a hobby.
First things first, lets get answers to some of these questions about why I made the decision I did. I was a brand new horse owner. I had owned Bacardi for MAYBE 8 months at this point. I was also younger than I am now and lacked skills and knowledge that I have now that would have helped me. At the time I lacked a cohesive, trusting relationship with the barn management and had trouble admitting to them I was struggling, so when I was told if I didn’t pay board then I would lose my horse, that terrified me. I didn’t have it in me to go to them and explain our situation. I was proud. I was young. And I was scared. Also something that must be understood is that Bacardi is my CHILDHOOD dream come true. He is EVERYTHING I ever wanted since someone put a horse book in my hand. And to that point, even though it had only been 8 months, he was my kid. But these are not the only reasons I didn’t just “sell the horse”.
Alright, now that I am done pulling on everyone’s heartstrings with my tragic tale of how I lost my home because of my horse, I want to get to the point of this post, which is why we as horse people don’t just sell the horse when we are struggling financially. For all the emotional reasons aside for a moment ( we will get to that later), one very logical reason is that horses aren’t like cars. You can’t just take them to a dealership and offload them and get money in your hand. Buying horses is like buying bespoke gloves. You must find the perfect fit, for the rider and the horse. Riders and buyers are picky, we all want our unicorn, in our budget and if its not perfect, we pass. Also, horses are an expense. You aren’t going to just drop money on something you don’t want. You can’t just return them if they aren’t the right size. So selling horses takes time; and it can take MONTHS to find a horse a home (no I am not exaggerating).
This leads me to the ethical obligations we have to all animals. When you are a pet parent or animal owner, it is your responsibility to do right by that animal and be their advocate, no matter what. So when selling a horse, you need to ensure to do your due diligence in making sure the home is a good match and that the horse doesn’t end up in the wrong hands. That might mean turning away buyers who want your horse. When people attempt to offload horses quickly, it can put those horses in dangerous situations where they may not be going to ethical or safe homes or they get snapped up by kill buyers who are going to turn around and sell them for meat. So while your are doing your best to find the right home for your horse, guess what, you still have to maintain them. They still need to be fed, and housed and shod and you are shelling out all that money still while struggling financially.
Now that we have covered the more logical and morally driven reasons why we don’t just sell the horse, we get to go back to all of the emotional reasons that people who have no hearts will never understand. Number one, horses are therapy. I don’t really know any horse people that don’t struggle from some sort of neuroatypical issue, whether that’s anxiety, depression, ADHD etc. Many of us find a lot of peace and comfort in our equine animals, even if we aren’t riding. It is intrinsic to many of our souls. We are lost and pathless without equines in our lives and therefore seek them out like a homing beacon. We crave the smell of horse breath and the sound of them munching on their hay. Similar to the way that normal people who actually have money (cuz they aren’t spending it on horses) crave the high of buying something new or going on vacation. We horse-crazy folks need our horses in our lives, otherwise we will just become crazy-crazy and then we have to be committed and its a burden on tax payers yada yada yada. I digress. Long and short of it is, horse people are crack addicts; except instead of crack, its horses. Which might actually be cheaper then a crack addiction.
Number 2, for many of us, who are also dog and cat and other animal owners, horses are not just “livestock”, they are our partners and our children. We invest HOURS of our time training, learning to ride, and building a bond with our horses. They aren’t just tools we replace. As I said above, we spent time finding THIS horse for US. We rode multiple other horses, passed up other horses, just to find the perfect one. And even for those of us who were maybe gifted our horses, or rescued them from more dire situations, we have bonded to them. You can’t spend all your free time taking care of an animal and not form an emotional attachment to them. These are our kids; and you wouldn’t just get rid of your kid because you couldn’t afford daycare would you? Or because they had a expensive medical condition? No? Thought not.
Now, I would like to point out again that if you have followed this blog at all, you would know that I did “just sell the horse” once. And it was the biggest mistake of my life and I still feel guilt about it to this day. Two years ago, I said goodbye to a horse that was gifted to me and my partner, because we were going through a very difficult time in our relationship and subsequently would not have been staying together (that changed and this is not the place for that story), and I could not justify keeping two horses, so I sold Ruffi. I thought I was making the best decision I could for all parties. I thought the people I sold her to were going to love her and take care of her to the standard I did. I was wrong. Ten months later, I got a message that she was going to be up for sale and if she wasn’t sold she would be going to an auction. In order to do what I felt was right in my soul, I stretched myself financially to buy that horse back and she was reunited with us in absolutely deplorable condition. Over a year later, she is finally the horse that I sold again. She has returned to her normal self.
The guilt and shame and self-hatred I have for just selling the horse and looking out for myself will never leave me. I will continue to prioritize my horses, my dogs, my cats, before I will ever prioritize myself. I will sleep in my horses stalls before I sell them; because I could not live with myself if another horse that I sold ended up in that situation again because of my negligence. So if you asked me I could go back to either of those two situations, and change the decision I made to sell or not to sell the horse? I would choose not to sell the horse I sold. And I will NEVER just sell the horse again.